The 40+ Club

In exactly six months, it will be my 40th birthday. I don't have any big fancy plans, though it often feels like I should because there is now such an overwhelming culture of excess when it comes to celebrations – weddings, bachelorette parties, baby showers, birthdays. It's no longer just a cake and ice cream situation, it's a full out, full month, fireworks + balloon release situation, even as the reality of inflation makes paying for these types of extravagant parties out of reach for so many people.

Anyway, no big birthday celebration for the big 40 just yet. As someone that has a holiday birthday, New Year's Eve  – it sucks. As a kid you're always out of school during your birthday, and then your Christmas presents get Frankensteined into joint birthday gifts. As an adult the idea of New Years Eve is that everything is litty two titties! Champagne! Kisses! Parties! But the reality is, coordinating a birthday feels stressful (for me). Add that to the general shooting guns in the air + drunk driving that comes with ringing in the new year, and it quickly becomes too much. 

So. Today is my half birthday. And what I am currently doing is taking stock of the year I've had (which, as you can probably assume by my quietness on Substack, has been hella busy). I am also going through my grandmother's photo archive, as we are finally clearing out her house after her passing. I'm scanning and reorganizing all the physical photos, and will be building a database so that my family can search based on name, what's in the picture, location, and approximate date. Removing the pictures from the living room felt seismic, but has also been a really restorative and healing part of the grieving process.

Relatives at what I assume is a Christmas party in the 50s or 60s, based on clothes & decor.

Looking through pictures of my relatives from the 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s, and reflecting on what their lives were like when they were my age feels like magic. Even seeing pictures of my immediate family it is funny to imagine that they were ever so youthful. Their lives were shaped by the tempestuous times they were in (the Jim Crow South, war, technological advancements). Knowing they survived is a comfort, especially because the racism, war, and terrifying technological advances (cough AI) do not seem to be easing up anytime soon.

My grandfather’s brother, deeply in the yeehaw agenda. c. 1960

So. Barreling towards 40, in an election year, sorting through family photos, I'm thinking a lot about what it means to survive, and persist, and also have a little fun while doing it. A lot of the photos are of family reunions, weddings, family kickbacks, silly moments. One of my grandfather's brothers was a photographer as well, so it's cool to see his professional stamp on the backs of pictures. And the technology of film they used is durable as hell – there were a lot of Polaroids and peel-apart film pictures that have stood the test of time. I'm sorting through these artifacts and trying to stitch together what I want my next 40 years to look like. It is bracing but also incredibly thrilling to consider.

Pots and pans at a 70’s family reunion in Mississippi.

As part of preparing for my 40th birthday, I'm raising $1,000 for the Food Bank of Central and Eastern North Carolina. I started volunteering there recently, and I just generally believe that everyone deserves to eat, and eat well. I figured if I can get 40 friends to give $25 then I could raise $1,000 pretty quickly, and it goes a long way to provide meals to the 500,000 people that the Food Bank supports. And the truth is, most of us are closer to using the food bank than we are to being billionaires. Consider making a donation if you can, and sharing the link if you can't.  

I'm also working on mounting a photography exhibit for my birthday, which is its own indulgence but feels a lot more fun than doing a big dinner where there's stress about splitting the tab. More to come soon!

I hope you are all staying as cool as possible, and hydrating.

Terryn

P.S. if you are in the 40+ club – please drop your advice, recommendations, and warnings in the comments please. What should one expect??